Dear Past Baggage,

Dear Past Baggage,

It’s high time that we called it a day.  We’ve been together for far too many years and it has become stale and cumbersome.  I have to move on, have to heal.  I think about you too much, too often.  You take up far too much of my precious brain space and I’ve had enough.  You are exhausting and it needs to stop.  I no longer have the strength to keep carrying you on through my life and I have to let you go.

But I can’t move on until I’ve told you why we can no longer be together, because I must have closure.  I have to wrap it all up and put a bow on it.  I have to get it all out of me, to cleanse my soul so that I can start again.

What I am about to say is the raw truth.  It’s hateful, extremely painful and will upset a lot of people.  But I need to get this out of me so that I can move on with my life.  I can no longer stay still, stagnant.

Before I begin though, I must thank you because despite the pain and the heartbreak, without all that hurt and rage, I would not be as strong as I am now.  So I raise a glass to you, Past: thank you for making me stronger.

To the Soulmate who turned bitter and didn’t speak up,

I hope that you’re happy and I hope that you found someone as special to you as you were to me.  I’m glad that I could introduce you to someone better suited to being your friend.  I won’t apologise for what happened because you were the one that didn’t speak up when you had the chance to.  Yes, I blame you for contributing to my crumbling mental state at the time and my consequent breakdown, but it wasn’t all your fault.

I miss you every day but that stops now.  I cannot waste any more of my time or brain space missing someone who didn’t understand and who moved on without me.  I wish I had reached out to you at the time but I know that it’s too late to do that now.

You hurt me more than you will ever know but I forgive you and I wish you all of the love in the world, I really do.

I now let you go jealousy.

I now let you go Soulmate.

 

To the people who turned on me without knowing the whole story or all the reasons,

I know that bridges have since been rebuilt and sincere apologies given, but it still hurt at the time.  It hurt that you all blindly followed someone who had twisted the truth with their lies and exaggeration, as they manipulated you all into spreading their hatred.

But it’s time to say goodbye to all that residual resentment.  It is done, it is past and we have all made amends with one another to become closer and stronger.

I now let you go resentment.

 

To the ex partner who tore my whole mental well-being apart,

You hurt me more than you will ever admit to yourself.  You broke me to the point of suicidal thoughts and self harm, a place that I had sworn I would not let another human being return me to.  You took my last slice of faith in love and compassion and ripped it apart in front of me.

I hate you, but I take the smallest of comforts in the fact that no-one will ever hate you more than you hate yourself.  You will end up sad, bitter and alone because you have destroyed and hurt so many people with your lies and manipulation, and you more than deserve it.

But I am done with you.  I am sick of your spectre holding me back when I need so desperately to move on.  No more will I reflect on how fake you are and how much I let you manipulate me.  No more will you be able to make be feel that my past makes me damaged and dirty.  No more will your face represent all that I find hateful and selfish within myself.

I feel sorry for you.  But that is the last of any type of feeling that I will have for you.

I now let you go hatred.

 

To the person that turned on me for no reason,

You hurt me.  You cut me deeply and I am finding it hard to understand why.  I did  nothing wrong and yet you turned so suddenly and so viciously.  The worst thing about it is that you were too cowardly to come to me and explain why you were cutting me out of your life.  I will never know the reasons for the levels of hatred within you aimed toward me but I wish you well.

I now let you go angry friend.

 

To the ex partner whom I loved deeply but hurt beyond repair,

I am sorry.

I am so, so sorry.

I will never be able to fix what I have broken or take back what happened and I will always regret that.

I am sorry that I did not love you enough.

I am sorry that I so wounded such a kind and gentle soul.

I am sorry that I could not be the partner you so deserve.

I am sorry for it all.

I love you, deeply, but I have to move on.

I now let you go guilt.

 

To my ex husband,

I will never forgive or forget what you did to me.  I hope that you are extinguished from this earth due to prolonged, painful and incurable illness because that is what you are: a poisonous disease upon this world.  I have never hated anyone as much as I despise you.  I wish I’d murdered you when I had the chance that night.

You have forever labelled me as damaged and tainted.  You are the reason that I fear the world.  You are the reason why I am broken.  You are the source of my anxiety and self-hatred.  You are the reason that I now trust no-one but myself.

The universe has a plan for you and it will befit what you have done to me.  You are the lowest of the low.  You portray yourself to the world as a wholesome member of society but you are a wife beater, an abuser and a rapist.  You disgust me and you stole 7 years of my life as you manipulated me.  You deserve all of the terrible and horrifying things that karma has planned for you.

Hate is not strong enough a word and I hope that you rot away painfully and alone.

But I am finished with what you did stunting my healing.

I am done with you.

I now let go of my labels.

I now let go of my past trauma.

 

To the little girl who had such big dreams,

I am sorry that I have let you down.  You had such high hopes for your future but I have so far bitterly disappointed you.

I promise to do better for you.  I am sorry that I have wasted your 36 years on this planet.

I promise to start looking forward instead of back.

I promise to reach for the stars like you always wanted me to.

I promise to start filling your world with big dreams again.

I promise to go out and find the adventures that you always wanted.

I now let go of my hesitation.

 

To my present self,

It is time to move on.  Put down the baggage that so burdens you and walk away.  Do not look back, do not hesitate.  Take a deep breath and take that first step.

It is time to let go.

Don’t be scared.

You can do this.

Be brave.

I believe in you.

With all my love,

Me xxx